Excerpt from An online Course: Where God puts two hearts in a home.
While men would probably each have a different top five or six items list, my husband, Tom, assures me that every man‘s list will have sex near the top. It is rarely on a women‘s top list. Do women understand why sex is such a big deal to men?
- 1. It‟s a physical need. Testosterone, the hormone that causes men to be men, is present in both male and female bodies. It regulates sexual desire in both. It causes aggression, a desire to conquer and subdue, and competitiveness, as well as a physical urge to have sex. It increases the brain‘s ability to do math, increases body hair, and hardens muscles. But men‘s bodies produce eight times more testosterone than women‘s! This means that a typical man will be like the following:
- Eight times more aware of his sexual feelings
- Eight times more driven to want sexual intercourse
- Thinks about sex eight times more often
- Eight times more likely to have problems keeping his thoughts pure
- Eight times more likely to fall into sins through sexual temptation
Most men‘s physical need for sex runs on a three-day cycle, as the semen pressure builds and makes him uncomfortable and easily aroused. Therefore, one of the things that men are looking for when they marry is a healthy and regular outlet for their strong drive for sexual relations. Good men recognize that this drive is best satisfied in a single, intimate relationship in marriage. They don‘t want to be looking at many women with lust or to fall into sexual promiscuity. They want to sexually love one good woman for the rest of their lives (Prov 5:18-19).
- Sex is important to a man, because his sense of strength tends to be expressed most fully in sexual
intercourse. When a man has sex, he often feels powerful, masterful—at least momentarily like he has conquered his world, and that all in his world and all in himself is now right. So, then, depending on the man, sex is either a wonderful expression of his manly strength or an effort to increase strength where he is doubtful. Sex cannot confer strength if a man has none, but it gives the temporary sense of it. So a man who succumbs to masturbating in front of a pornographic image or visiting a prostitute does not have any affection for the particular female figure before him. But he loves the rush of feeling good, not only from the physical release but also from imagining or hearing her flattery. But the Bible says that such flattery actually draws strength from him (Prov 2:16; 5:3; 7:5; 31:3).
Ultimately, illicit sex leaves the man even more hollow and despairing. We see, then, that there is a strong link between a man‘s sexual expression and his strength. When a man expresses himself sexually with a wife who loves him and praises him for the things about him that she values, it strengthens him. If he commits adultery or fornication (either with a real or virtual woman), it weakens him.
Good or Bad?
So how should a Christian wife think about her husband‘s desire for sex? Let‘s look at who invented sex in the first place. Read Genesis 2:24-25. Notice that God‘s design of sex came before Adam and Eve fell into sin. Also notice that its design was in response to man‘s aloneness, not only to produce children. When the Bible says in Genesis that the man and his wife cleave together and become one flesh, it refers to a oneness that includes a physical act. This act was to indicate marriage. In the earliest Bible times, we don‘t even see a marriage ceremony as we know it. The man paid a bride price, brought the woman into his tent, and when they had sexual intercourse, she became his wife (Gen 24:67; 29:23). Sex is essential to the marriage of the Old Testament, not a sidelight.
What about the New Testament? Hebrews 13:4 says “ Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
The word bed here is an inoffensive way of saying sexual relations. God says that in marriage, sexual relations are not defiled or dirty, but pure. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul tells us that regular sexual relations
must be a normal part of a marriage, and if sex is not happening frequently enough, it tempts both parties toward sin (perhaps for different reasons). Further, the sexual relationship in marriage is given as the picture of the ecstatic unity between Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32). So, there can be no doubt that God approves of sex in marriage. It is part of His good design for married couples, a picture and total body experience of the unity that He says exists between them.