Excerpt from An online Course: Where God puts two hearts in a home
It‘s been several weeks since Nathan and Sue embarked on their preparations for marriage. For the session on sexuality, Pastor Jonathan arranged for his wife, Esther, to meet privately with Sue, while he met with Nathan.
Esther looked at the young woman across from her and smiled. I‘m happy to meet with you, Sue. My husband says that you and Nathan have been very faithful to study God‘s Word and to prepare for your marriage, but I‘m thinking there are some personal things that you might want to ask another woman.
Sue heaved a big sigh. Oh, Sister Esther! Our wedding is just a few weeks away, and I don‘t know what to think about the wedding night. Married women say things sometimes that I think I should understand, but honestly … Most of the time, I haven‘t a clue what they‘re talking about! It‘s like a secret club! But from what I‘ve heard, I don‘t know if I WANT to be in the club or not! No one will tell me the truth about marital relations. I asked my mom and she said, You‘ll find out just like I did. It‘s not fun for a woman like it is for a man, but you get to have babies and that makes it all worthwhile. Once you have your family, you don‘t have to put up with it anymore.‘ I hadn‘t been afraid before, but now I am really worried. Sue‘s voice lowered to a whisper, How often is it necessary?
Esther‘s expression clouded. Women over the years have had a lot of suffering related to sex, so it doesn‘t surprise me that your mom has mixed feelings about it. But most of those feelings come from confusion and misinformation. God designed your body and your heart to experience pleasure just as intense and delightful as your husband can experience. The problem is that the pleasure doesn‘t come as easily as it does for a man, so some women never experience it. It takes skill to bring it out. You remember how much effort it took to learn to play the violin well? Well, you‘ll be relieved to know that becoming good at pleasing each other in sex isn‘t THAT difficult but it still takes intentional time, just like it did for you to learn the violin.
Sue was shocked. You mean God wants us to … practice? Exactly! Like musicians, you and your husband will need to learn some skills and then delight in playing your music together regularly! You will improve with practice. Do you know … many of the most skilled musicians have grey hair. You can be making music together just as beautifully at sixty as you will be at twenty-five, because God says that sex isn’t primarily about making babies, it‘s about becoming one flesh!
Nathan: In the pastor‘s office, Nathan, the young groom-to-be sat across the table from Pastor Jonathan. You know, Pastor, I‘ve tried to keep myself pure because I thought that was what God wanted, but now I feel, well, unprepared. I know that Sue is depending on me to know what should happen on the wedding night, but I don‘t know not really …just what I have picked up from here and there and it doesn‘t all make sense. My older brother just said, When the time comes, you‘ll know.‘ What is that supposed to mean? Am I going to get an instruction manual with my wedding license? I feel really embarrassed to ask a pastor about sex, but I didn‘t know who else to talk to. I‘m afraid I will hurt Sue.
Pastor Jonathan shook his head. Never feel apologetic that you have kept yourself pure. You have kept your marriage bed holy and that is as it should be. But you are a wise man to also realize that you need to know more in order to be a good husband to Sue. The first weeks of your marriage…lovemaking will be a foundation for all the weeks that follow. Pastor Jonathan opened his Bible. You said that you were embarrassed to talk to a pastor about this would it surprise you that God has given even the kind of sexual information you are looking for in His Word? It‘s hidden in poetry from thousands of years ago, but it is just as good advice today as when Solomon wrote it!
While God designed sex to combat loneliness (Gen 2:18),to spiritually describe Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32), and to produce children (Gen 4:1), the Song of Solomon never mentions any of these things! Solomon and his wife are not having sex merely because it is good for them (like medicine), or because they want to have children. The reason that they find it so appealing is mainly because they delight in its pleasure! By including this book in the Bible, God shows us that He, not the devil, designed the experience of sexual love to be a feast for all the senses… within the boundaries of a lifelong commitment in marriage.